Uh-oh, here comes a rant...
I’ve been aware of its approach for some time now, but today it seems like it came of so fast…my last class at NYU.
I can’t say it’s hit me all that hard. With all the stress that this school has caused me academically the last few weeks, and will continue to cause me for one more, I’m glad to be done with at least one academic aspect. However, this does mark the impending end of my time in NY.
I’m not going to deny it, I am feeling much more of a…I don’t know, I guess an empty feeling when it comes to thinking about not coming back here. It’s not so much that I’m going to miss the school; I, as well as several other students I’ve discussed this with have come to the conclusion that NYU’s reputation is, in the majority based on it’s glamorous location. This isn’t to say that it’s not a quality school, but it is nowhere near the ranks of an Ivy League school as people tend to place it. In fact, unless you’re a theater/film student (a Tischie) or a Business student (a Sternie), the school doesn’t seem to give you very much attention at all—in the context of New York, what are you going to do with your life that’s all that exciting for them to waste their time on you? A social worker definitely does not deserve extra attention. And it’s not really that I’m going to miss the people; I can count the people whose company I enjoy here probably on two hands, and the genuine, always-there-for-you, will-take-care-of-you-when-you’re-crying-or-drunk, can-tell-everything friends on, well…one finger. So, what is there that I am going to miss, you may ask yourself? Well, I can’t say I don’t adore this city. The Broadway shows, Italian bakeries, Mexican restaurants, street performers, bars, clubs, buildings, parks…virtually all the things you think of when you picture New York, are just amazing as you would think they were. So yes, I am going to miss those things.
This is a decision I have gone back and forth on MANY times throughout the course of this school year. When I came here, it was my escape, my chance to be the one person who got out, to experience this amazing city and be the envy of everyone. Well, I suppose I got that wish, because many people seem to be extremely upset with me for “giving this up”. Alright, thank you, I get it, you think I’m making the wrong decision. Maybe I am going to come back and three weeks into it, I will hate myself for making this decision and always think of it as the biggest mistake of my life. However, I don’t think it’s fair of anyone to judge me until they have done this for themselves. When you have removed yourself from everyone and everything you know, move to a city that you’ve never been to, too far away and too expensive for anyone you know to come and visit you, rarely receive a phone call from anyone from home, have to find out about the hopitalization of relatives and death of pets from 1,000 miles away, then I will respect your opinion, because you will be able to handle far more than I could. Wait, no, scratch that. Add in the fact that you’re paying nearly $50,000 to do so, using up all the money your mother left you for college AND getting yourself on your feet after college within the first 2 or 3 years, despite before her dying her telling you it might be smarter to go to a less expensive school, feeling immense amounts of guilt for leaving your ten-year-old sister to be raised by your alcoholic dad when she probably misses your mom more than you do, and you KNOW how terrible things were when you started middle school, having a group roommates with no respect for one another for you or each other, two moving out before the end of the year and two barely speaking to you, certainly not making an attempt to get to know you because you’re from middle America, and everyone knows you’re just a bunch of hicks with no money, so called friends choosing those with more exciting personalities or continuing to hang out with you, but simply treating you like garbage, and everyone in your classes being so pretentious and self-righteous, yet never having experienced anything real. Oh, and not being able to travel anywhere alone after dark, no one ever wanting to do anything but sit in their rooms and smoke pot, and those clubs and Broadway shows costing probably around $50 minimum. THEN we can discuss your judgments.
Not an ounce of me regrets coming here. I think if I hadn’t, I never would have forgiven myself. However, this is not the place for me. You may think I’m coming back to Milwaukee because I’m scared, I’m weak, I’m homesick, I’m stupid…it may be a little bit of all of those. But what I’ve always been told is that college was the place where you become something, where you find yourself…and I don’t like who I am here. Many of you feel like you’re trapped in Milwaukee…well back there I have people who care about me, the ability to be there when someone needs me, and the money to, well, do ANYTHING, including traveling so that I don’t end up feeling trapped. In addition to that, either one of the schools I’ll be going to in the fall accepts far more IB credits than NYU, meaning I’ll probably be there 2, 2 ½ years max. If I’m back to hating it again by then, there’s always grad school.
This isn’t meant to be an attack on anyone for expressing their opinions about my leaving here, or an attempt to make everyone feel sorry for me for having the amazing opportunity to come here and live this for a year. It is simply an attempt to shed some light on why, exactly, I’m “giving this up”. I doubt many made it through to the end, but if you did, I hope it helped to explain my decision, and I will see most of you in a week or so.